Monday 23 March 2009

the weathers changing, becoming sunny, warm ( for England) and things are looking alot like summer outside, shame i cant say the same about me, to be honest i feel a bit weird, not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing, i guess the usual things you know? stuff that everyone my age feels, like; not long left at school, what happens after? is this the end or the beginning? i guess I'm just settling with work and Friends, starting to get my head down, well, sort of. with the pressure of exams on my shoulders it would be nice to have someone to turn to, yeah Ive got Friends and family to talk to but i want that one person who i can turn to and say ' I'm having a bad day' and for them to instantly know what to do. to hold me tight, tell me its all gonna be okay. that WERE gonna get through this. i bet i sound such a gay but truth is, i don't care, are girls the only ones that are aloud dreams and fantasy's
just recently Ive been trying to get back into things, dating and meeting girls, since my last last ex  i haven't been able to feel the same, every girl i saw or tried to get close to just didn't feel right then i sort of moved on, then somehow girls just dropped off the scene completely, but now I'm back onto it, trying and trying, i must seem like such a man whore meeting all these girls but I'm single surely I'm aloud to? 
i just feel like i need someone there to hold my hand and walk me the right way, to help me feel at ease with everything, some days i just feel like I'm worthless on my own, other days i feel I'm never going to find anyone that feels right, do i keep trying or do i give up? i just want to be loved and know that i have some sort of direction in my life, something to work with, cause at the moment, I'm stumbling on rocks, coated by the seas waves, as if I'm destined to slip and fall, the easiest thing to do is let it happen but i want to be flown out of here, brushed down, and move on. don't think this is all about girls or whatever cause its not, its about finding myself, but i believe to do that then i need, you, whoever you are...x

2 comments:

  1. you don't sound gay, your honest lovely and nothing is more amazing than that, it's hard to, admitting where we are at fault. sometimes it's even harder admitting what we want, but don't seem to have. you'll find her, in time, maybe she has always been there, you just never noticed . . . xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. never give up
    :) we dont talk anymore.. buh i;ll always be here, thought we was close like i knew you.. when i read what you write on here its soo touching:) you always gotta get back up and carry on fighting!! i know you got it in you.

    ReplyDelete